


Where My Demons Hide

by purplehairedwonder



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-05
Updated: 2012-11-05
Packaged: 2017-11-18 01:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplehairedwonder/pseuds/purplehairedwonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a surprise trip to Lima six months after the breakup, Kurt runs into Blaine and Sebastian at the Lima Bean. But while hurts run deep, things aren't always as they seem, and Kurt finds that maybe there is reason for hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where My Demons Hide

**Author's Note:**

> This bunny has been nagging at me for most of hiatus and I’m thrilled to have finally gotten it down on the page. The spoilers that have recently come out have Jossed this a bit, but oh well. The story title comes from the Imagine Dragons song “Demons.”

It was late afternoon when Kurt pushed the door to the Lima Bean open in search of a caffeine fix. His flight from New York had been delayed three hours that morning because of mechanical issues and once he’d actually arrived in Ohio, there was an accident on the freeway back to Lima. By the time his father had pulled into the driveway, Kurt had been tempted to fall to his knees and kiss the ground.

But, as he dropped his bag in his room, he decided that was simply his caffeine deprivation talking. He grabbed his car keys, the weight slightly unfamiliar after months of using nothing but public transit, and told his father where he was going. Burt raised an eyebrow, but Kurt shrugged. With the number of late nights he’d been staying up working on various projects at Vogue dot com, caffeine of any variety had become an afternoon staple.

“I just want to get out a little, stretch my legs,” Kurt said, adjusting his scarf. There was still a bite on the Ohio air in late March. It might be Spring Break but it didn’t necessarily _feel_ like it. “I can stop at the store after and help with dinner.”

Burt waved him off. “You’ve been traveling all day, kid. You don’t need—”

But Kurt shook his head. “I _want_ to. This is my first chance in months to finally fix an entirely non-vegan meal.” He loved Rachel, he really did, but there were certain things about living with her that drove Kurt up the wall; her kitchen preferences were, at the moment, one of them.

Burt chuckled and nodded. “All right. Carole gets off—”

“At seven.”

“And Finn—”

“Had a meeting after glee rehearsal but will be home for dinner,” Kurt finished with a grin. “Got it.”

“On top of things as always,” Burt said with a shake of his head. “Okay.”

Kurt waved and headed out the door and took the drive to the Lima Bean by muscle memory; the closer he got to the coffee spot, the more his thoughts turned to warm memories of afternoon coffee with a certain someone…

He shook his head. This trip wasn’t about that. He’d seen Blaine during the school production of _Grease_ , and that had been painful enough after they’d made their breakup official. And though they’d begun texting now and then again around Thanksgiving, they were still wary around one another. Blaine was giving Kurt the space he’d asked for and Kurt was… Well, he wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing, other than knowing that his heart still gave a sharp stab of pain when he thought about what had happened even six months later.

They hadn’t crossed paths at Christmas since Blaine had missed Puck’s New Year’s party to visit Cooper in L.A., and Kurt had every intention of avoiding him again. McKinley was on Spring Break, which meant Blaine should be spending his time at home in Westerville, minus the couple of glee rehearsals that Kurt had no intention of seeing. Kurt was going to enjoy the unexpected time off with his family and recharge before getting back to his life in New York.

Feeling a bit better, Kurt pushed the door open and strode up to the counter, smiling slightly at the fact that the coffee shop never seemed to change. There was something comforting about the consistency when everything else was changing around him. But he froze a moment later at the sound of a familiar voice.

“Now I _know_ you’re not telling the truth about that,” the voice was saying with a warm laugh.

Kurt’s chest tightened but he studied the menu board intently, as though he hadn’t memorized it years ago. He was contemplating his chances of getting his coffee and leaving unseen when another familiar voice answered the first.

“You wound me, Anderson.”

Kurt couldn’t help but turn at that, and for a moment and his breath caught in his throat. Across the Lima Bean, Blaine and Sebastian were sitting at a table with drinks and, judging from their posture, they’d been there for a while. Sebastian had a fake pout on his face while Blaine shook his head with a smile. Kurt couldn’t believe what he was seeing; Blaine was sitting and _laughing_ with the boy who’d tried his damndest to break them up and had nearly blinded him a year before?

Then Sebastian reached out for Blaine’s hand across the table and Blaine didn’t pull away. Kurt went cold. He immediately turned back to the menu board, jaw clenched tightly. He stepped up to the counter and ordered his usual grande nonfat mocha with a subdued smile for the barista before stepping off to the side to wait.

“Kurt?”

It was soft but the Lima Bean wasn’t crowded, and Kurt would hear that voice in the middle of a hurricane. His insides clenched, and for a moment he considered ignoring it, but finally relented and looked up. He feigned surprise at the sight of Blaine, who was halfway out of his chair, eyes wide. Sebastian’s hand had mercifully returned to his side of the table.

“Blaine,” he said with what he hoped was cool civility. The barista chose that moment to set his coffee in front of him and he nodded his thanks, though more for the distraction than the coffee at that point. He grabbed his drink and headed over to the table he’d been trying to ignore.

Blaine sat back down in his chair when Kurt moved in their direction; there was a mix of expressions flashing across his face that Kurt realized with a jolt that he couldn’t read entirely. The surprise and hope were obvious, but there was something more somber beneath it that Kurt didn’t recognize. Just another sign of how far they’d drifted, he thought with another pang.

“Hey,” Blaine said when Kurt made his way over. His face fell slightly when Kurt made no move to pull a chair up but he covered it quickly. “What are you doing here?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow and Blaine backtracked. “I, uh, didn’t know you were coming home,” he said quietly. Kurt wasn’t sure whether it was meant as a statement, an apology, an explanation, or some combination of the three.

“Isabelle went on a last minute trip to Europe with Madam Wintour,” Kurt said, purposefully ignoring Sebastian. “She told a few of us to take a vacation while she’s gone.”

She’d actually come to him two nights before and said, “ _Go home and get some rest; you’ve been working yourself into the ground since Christmas_ ,” but his ex, of all people, didn’t need to know that. “I got in this afternoon.”

Blaine nodded. “H- how long will you be in town?” he asked haltingly, as though he wasn’t sure he had the right to ask.

Kurt shrugged uncomfortably. “A week.”

Blaine nodded again, having gone quiet despite his initial pleasure at seeing Kurt; he seemed at a loss for words now that Kurt was standing in front of him.

“How will you ever entertain yourself in small town Ohio now that you’re a big city man?”

Kurt turned. “Sebastian,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t even notice you there.”

Sebastian’s lip quirked. “I’m sure.”

“It’s not every day you see someone sitting with the guy that nearly blinded him,” Kurt pointed out.

Sebastian clenched his jaw but said nothing. Blaine, though, inhaled sharply. “Kurt.”

Kurt glanced back at Blaine, whose expression was a combination of irritated and abashed.  “What?” he asked, playing dumb.

“That’s not fair.”

Kurt had let out a laugh before he realized it. “Not fair? Blaine, you’re the one having coffee with…” With the guy who’d come onto him repeatedly, even after learning Blaine had a boyfriend; with the guy who’d purposefully pushed Blaine away from his friends at Dalton; with the guy who’d nearly blinded him after throwing a spiked slushie at Kurt... “With _Sebastian._ Of all people.”

There was a reason Kurt’s first question after Blaine’s tearful confession about cheating was if it had been with Sebastian. He still wasn’t sure if it would have been better or worse if it had been, and he’d tortured himself thinking about it many a sleepless night, but standing in the Lima Bean now, the very thought made his skin crawl.

Blaine was clearly thinking the same thing as a pained look flashed across his face. But then he shook his head. “Things happen, Kurt. People change.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow at that. “I’m well aware,” he said coolly.

Blaine looked as though Kurt had slapped him, eyes wide and mouth agape. A small, vindictive part of Kurt, one that he tried to keep locked away as much as possible, cheered at the sight, not having gotten enough of Blaine’s suffering for what he’d done. But the bigger part of him, the one that fell in love with the boy he’d met on the staircase at Dalton and still loved him and would probably always love him despite everything, hated that he’d put that look on Blaine’s face, no matter how true the words felt.

“Kurt, I—” he started before shutting his mouth again. He shut his eyes for a moment before opening them again. And suddenly he was the Blaine Anderson Kurt had met at Dalton—the performer with a confident façade.  Kurt knew Blaine threw up his walls when he was hurting to protect himself; he’d seen it over and over once he knew what to look for. And something inside Kurt twinged at the thought that he was someone Blaine felt he needed to protect himself from.

“Things are different now,” Blaine said, tone even. “A lot can change in six months.”

“Clearly,” Kurt said, eyeing the two of them. “Six months ago, you’d blocked Sebastian’s number on your phone and now you’re having coffee together.” _Like we used to_ was left hanging on the air, but Kurt was sure Blaine heard it anyway.

“You blocked my number?” Sebastian asked in surprise.

Blaine looked across the table and rolled his eyes, walls visibly coming down as he looked at the other boy. “Your old one, yes.”

“Ouch.”

“It was right after my surgery, Sebastian. I was angry.”

Sebastian seemed to ponder that a moment before shrugging. “Still.”

Blaine sighed. “You got a new number a few weeks later anyway so it didn’t end up mattering.”

“But it’s the principle of the thing.”

Blaine shook his head, but he seemed almost… fond. The soft look and the easy banter between them had Kurt’s head spinning. Since when had they become so familiar and easy around one another? Blaine had always been uncomfortable around Sebastian. The last they’d talked about it, he’d still been furious and heartbroken about the slushie and the Warblers.

_“Things are different now.”_

His stomach turned as the words echoed through his mind and the image of Sebastian reaching for Blaine’s hand played across his mind’s eye.

“Are you two dating?” he asked suddenly.

Blaine’s eyes widened and Sebastian choked. “What?”

“Kurt—” Sebastian started, but Blaine shook his head and Sebastian cut himself off.

“Would it make a difference if we were?” Blaine asked, raising his own eyebrow. The mask was back up, and suddenly the tables were turned as Kurt felt as though Blaine had just slapped _him_. “We’ve been broken up for six months, Kurt. You don’t have the right to ask me that.”

It took a Kurt a moment to compose himself to reply, but when he did, he looked Blaine right in the eye. “I do when I’m worried that you’re going to get hurt.” He glanced back at Sebastian before turning back to Blaine. “Again.” He shook his head. “We might not be together anymore, but I don’t want that. I’d _never_ want that.”

Blaine looked taken aback at that for a moment, but he recovered himself quickly. “And you think Sebastian will hurt me?” he asked.

“He already has!” Kurt exclaimed, Blaine’s screams in that parking garage echoing faintly in his ears.

But Blaine shook his head emphatically. “I told you, Kurt, people can change. We have coffee once a week and we _talk_. There are certain things you can only talk about with someone who understands.”

That stung. Once, Blaine had been that person for Kurt at his lowest point. That was how they’d become so close in the first place. And Kurt had tried to be that for Blaine as well.

“And _Sebastian_ understands these things?” Kurt sneered to cover the hurt.

For a moment, anger flashed across Blaine’s face and he looked like he was going to argue. The look sent a thrill up Kurt’s spine—it seemed like he’d had nothing but apologetic and guilty looks directed his way since that night in New York—but then it was gone. Blaine’s face completely shut down and he slumped down in his seat with a defeated sigh, looking like the conversation had sucked all the life from him.

“Yes,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. He glanced back up at Kurt, expression shuttered. “I’m sorry your vacation got off onto the wrong foot like this, Kurt. I’ll stay out of your hair while you’re in town.”

Kurt’s mouth worked for a moment at the sudden change in tone; he didn’t know what to make of it as he glanced between Blaine, whose eyes were now focused resolutely on the table in front of him, and Sebastian, who was frowning at Blaine. Finally, Sebastian grabbed Blaine’s coffee and rose. Blaine looked up tiredly.

“It’s a long drive back to Westerville. We should get going before it gets dark.”

_They drove together?_

Blaine nodded and rose unsteadily from his seat. He moved toward the door but stopped a step behind Kurt. “You look good, Kurt. I’m glad,” he murmured before following Sebastian out of the door.

Tears sprang unbidden to Kurt’s eyes at the words, and he dropped into the seat Blaine had vacated as he heard a bell chime with the door closing behind Blaine. He sat there lost in thought until his coffee went cold then tossed it in the trash on the way out of the Lima Bean.

 

\-----

The next few days passed by in a haze for Kurt. On the days Finn didn’t have glee rehearsal, he hung around the house, talking with Kurt about everything _but_ Rachel. Burt had taken a few days off and even Carole had managed to get a few free days from the hospital, which meant that more often than not the house was full. It was safe and comfortable and familiar and Kurt loved every minute of it. He didn’t know when he’d get to come home next so he was going to enjoy as much as he could.

But that didn’t stop him from glancing at the empty spot on the couch when Burt and Finn had a basketball game on and thinking that Blaine should be here with them, yelling at the TV. It didn’t stop him from looking around the Blaine-less Lima Bean each afternoon when he intentionally arrived at the time that had once been sacred for their coffee runs.

And it didn’t stop him from clicking on Blaine’s Facebook three nights after their confrontation. He’d defriended Blaine after their breakup, but after they’d started texting again, he’d added him back. Blaine’s relationship status was still single and his page was light on status updates, though he was tagged in numerous pictures and even a few videos from various performances and outings with New Directions—and some with a few Warblers, Kurt noted in surprise—as well as posts about glee or student government. Wes had also posted a few links to his page that Blaine had Liked.

Kurt was clicking through some of the pictures from _Grease_ when his phone pinged with an incoming text. He picked up his phone and frowned at the number; it wasn’t anyone in his phone book, though it looked vaguely familiar. Curious, he clicked open the message.

_Lima Bean, 4pm tomorrow._

His eyebrows knit in confusion. _Who is this?_ he sent back.

 _Someone with answers,_ was the almost immediate reply.

Kurt stared at his phone for a long moment. What was that supposed to mean? And why wouldn’t they just say who they were? Could it be Blaine texting from a different number? He dismissed the idea almost as soon as it occurred to him; Blaine was many things, but sneaky was not one of them. If he’d wanted to talk, he would’ve made sure Kurt knew it was him. But then who?

He checked with Finn to make sure the number didn’t belong to Puck or one of the other graduated seniors; they’d all been in touch since helping out with _Grease_ , but someone could have gotten a new number that Kurt didn’t have. But no, Finn didn’t recognize the number either.

“Hey,” Finn said as Kurt was leaving his room. “Is something going on with you and Blaine?”

Kurt froze in the doorway and glanced back at his stepbrother. “Why?”

Finn shrugged. “He’s just been distracted at rehearsal all week.” And everyone knew that the easiest way to distract Blaine was through Kurt, even when they weren’t dating.

“I ran into him at the Lima Bean the day I got in,” Kurt said after weighing whether or not to say anything. Finn wasn’t trying to pry; he was genuinely concerned for both of them. And it was for that reason that Kurt answered at all. “We… talked. But we haven’t spoken since.”

Finn nodded thoughtfully but didn’t press, for which Kurt was grateful. He wasn’t ready to get into what was going on yet because honestly, he wasn’t sure himself.

_Someone with answers…_

But perhaps someone did.

 

\-----

The next afternoon, Kurt arrived at the Lima Bean a half hour early in the hope of catching whoever had texted him before they found him. He ordered a coffee and headed for a seat near the door. He pulled out his phone and glanced over the message again.

 _Answers, huh?_ he thought. _I would’ve appreciated them six months ago._

He looked up from his phone and scanned the room again but didn’t notice anything unusual so went back to his phone. He pulled up Facebook and checked Blaine’s page again—he was _not_ stalking his ex-boyfriend, he was just curious—but there was nothing new since the night before.

He jumped when a cup of coffee plunked down on his table. He looked up as Sebastian slid into the seat across from him.

“I’ll admit,” he said, “I’m surprised you came.”

Kurt’s eyebrows shot up. “You? _You_ texted me?” But when Kurt thought about it, it made sense; he’d seen several of Sebastian’s numbers in Blaine’s phone, so it was no wonder the number had looked familiar. Sebastian knew he was in town after the first night and could have gotten his number from Blaine’s phone.

Sebastian scoffed. “Don’t look so surprised, Kurt. I happen to have an inside track to what you want to know that Blaine isn’t telling you.”

Kurt frowned at him. “I don’t trust you.”

Sebastian shrugged. “That’s probably the smartest thing you can do… well, besides listen, anyway.”

“Why would you want to help me?” Kurt pressed.

“Who said I was helping you?”

Kurt blinked and Sebastian’s smirk dropped. “Look, I’m doing this for Blaine. He’s been miserable since the other day, and he’s too stubborn to tell you the truth.”

“The truth?” Kurt asked, stomach dropping. Did that meant Blaine and Sebastian really were dating?

Sebastian took a sip of coffee before leveling Kurt with an even stare. “Blaine and I have been having these coffee _outings_ for about four months now.”

“Outings?” Kurt echoed faintly. It might have been less painful if Sebastian had plunged a hand into his chest and squeezed his heart.

“Outings,” Sebastian confirmed. “Not dates.”

Kurt blinked at Sebastian, who was watching him carefully, as he processed the words. “So… you’re really not dating?”

Sebastian, of all people, would be trying to shove it in Kurt’s face if it were true, considering how hard he’d tried to get Blaine the year before. He’d tried to make their short, mostly one-sided conversations sound like far more than they had been.

“We’re really not,” Sebastian said with a nod. “But he was right when he said there are certain things you can only talk about with someone who understands. That’s all it is.”

“I don’t understand. What things would those be?” Kurt demanded. What would Blaine think that he had to turn to Sebastian to talk about over anyone else, especially Kurt? If anyone knew what it was like to struggle with being an out gay teen in Ohio, it was him.

Sebastian looked around the Lima Bean almost nervously—not a look Kurt was accustomed to seeing on Sebastian Smythe—before turning back to Kurt. His voice was low when he spoke. “I’ve, uh, I’ve been in therapy for almost a year now.”

It took a moment for that to sink in. “What?” Not only was Kurt having a hard time making sense of the words, but he wasn’t sure what that had to do with the question he’d asked.

“After Karofsky’s… attempt,” Sebastian began haltingly, “I spiraled a bit. I wasn’t in a good place, especially with everything between you, me, and Blaine.” Sebastian shrugged and Kurt nodded for him to go on.

“I was already on probation after McKinley filed a complaint about a student being sent to the hospital,” he said, and Kurt flinched at the memory of holding with a writhing Blaine on the drive to the emergency room.

Sebastian smiled apologetically before continuing. “So when my grades started slipping, the guidance counselor at Dalton called my parents.” He took another drink of coffee. “My parents decided I needed to see someone professionally to get back on the ‘straight and narrow,’” he said with air quotes.

“So what happened?” Kurt asked.

“The guidance counselor recommended a therapist who specializes in seeing teenagers. Turns out she did her doctorate on gay kids living in conservative communities.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “That’s pretty convenient.”

Sebastian shrugged. “My parents are very well connected. The guidance counselor did her research to accommodate some of Dalton’s most well-respected boosters.”

Which made a disturbing amount of sense, Kurt thought. “Has it been helping?” he couldn’t help but ask.

Sebastian smirked, but it wasn’t malicious. “I think so.” He raised an eyebrow. “I haven’t slushied a single person since seeing my shrink.”

Kurt barked out a surprised laugh then threw a hand over his mouth when he realized that he’d just laughed at _Sebastian Smythe’s_ joke. Sebastian’s lips quirked up in turn.

“As enlightening as this is,” Kurt drawled, though he actually was glad to hear that Sebastian was dealing with whatever it was that pushed him to act like he had the previous year, “what does it have to do with Blaine?”

“About four months ago, I was leaving a session and there was Blaine, sitting in the waiting room.” Kurt’s eyes widened and Sebastian nodded at him. “That was kind of my reaction,” he agreed. “We kind of stared at each other for a minute, not really knowing what to say.”

Kurt wasn’t surprised; the Warblers’ involvement in Blaine’s injury had stung sharply for months after it had happened, though he hadn’t verbalized the hurt much. Sebastian had been the one to twist the Warblers into something that Blaine couldn’t recognize as the group he’d led the previous year, and he’d continued to struggle with how to feel about the whole thing, even after the Warblers had started reaching out to him again after Regionals.

Sebastian smiled slightly, as though that day in the therapist’s office was a fond memory. It was a surprisingly genuine expression. “So the good doc called him in and he walked right past me.”

“But that wasn’t it,” Kurt surmised.

Sebastian shook his head. “No. I was… curious,” he said carefully, “about what he was doing there. He’s always seemed so well-adjusted, you know?” And yes, Kurt knew. It had taken him months spending hours with Blaine to realize how much of a front Blaine was putting up in public. “So I waited for him.”

“You waited.”

“In the parking lot, but yeah. He came out and we kind of just stared at each other again. And then he sighed and told me to meet him at the Lima Bean.” Sebastian shrugged. “We talked for a while, about pretty much anything but therapy. But the week after he was there after my appointment again.”

Sebastian laughed self-deprecatingly. “I thought he might have tried to reschedule to avoid me or something. I wouldn’t have blamed him. But we nodded at each other, and I waited for him, and we went out for coffee again. We’ve been doing it every week since.”

Kurt considered that for long moment. As much as the idea of Blaine and Sebastian hanging out weekly made his skin crawl, it made sense, too.

_“Things happen, Kurt. People change.”_

_“Things are different now.”_

Blaine’s words echoed through Kurt’s mind as things clicked into place.

“What do you guys talk about?” he asked. Sebastian raised an eyebrow and Kurt backtracked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

Sebastian smirked slightly before answering. “Different stuff,” he replied. “Sometimes we talk about therapy. It’s nice to be able to talk to someone who gets _it_. But usually it’s just our lives. Our friends. Glee.” It was Kurt’s turn to raise an eyebrow but Sebastian rolled his eyes. “We’re not sharing state secrets, if that’s what you’re worried about. I wouldn’t do that to him again.”

Kurt frowned. It was all so… innocent. Especially after what Kurt had immediately assumed, considering their history. “Why didn’t he tell me?” he asked finally. “Why fight about it?”

“And let you insult me in every possible way?” Sebastian added wryly.

“Sorry,” Kurt murmured. He didn’t regret his reaction at the time, but knowing what he did now…

Sebastian waved the apology off with a hand. “Look, there’s a stigma that goes along with therapy. Someone finds out you’re seeing a shrink, they think you’re cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Add that to being a gay kid in Ohio?”

“Might as well break out the straight jacket,” Kurt supplied. Because he got it; he hated that he got it, but he did.

Sebastian nodded. “Telling people is kind of like forcing someone out of the closet.” His shoulders slumped.

And, Kurt knew, Blaine would never dream of doing that to someone, much less someone he considered a friend. He couldn’t help but admire that, though it made things more complicated.

But another thought occurred to him. “If it’s such a violation, why are you telling me about Blaine?” Kurt demanded.

Sebastian huffed a laugh. “Because he doesn’t care about you knowing. Hell, he’s been talking about how to tell you for the last few weeks.”

Kurt blinked at that. “Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh.’” Sebastian gestured toward Kurt with his cup. “Blaine _couldn’t_ explain himself the other day. But if you tell him I told you about it, he’ll be honest.”

Something in Kurt’s chest clenched at that. “You care about him, don’t you?”

“Does that bother you?”

Kurt pursed his lips but finally nodded. “More than it probably should. But I’m glad he’s found someone he can talk to.” Even if it wasn’t him.

“Blaine’s a good guy,” Sebastian said. He fixed Kurt with a stare. “He still loves you, Kurt. I might not pretend to understand it,” he added airily, “but he does. And I know he screwed up. _He_ knows he screwed up. But he’s trying. He has a lot of shit to work through.”

Kurt swallowed against the lump that had formed in his throat. Finally, he nodded. “Thank you. For telling me.”

Sebastian pushed himself out of his chair and grabbed his empty coffee cup. “Don’t make me regret it, Hummel,” he said, walking away.

Kurt watched after him long after the bell had chimed at his exit, thinking.

 

\-----

After dinner that night, Kurt headed for his room and flopped down on his bed, pulling out his phone. He stared at the lock screen for a good half hour before he opened up a new text. He put in Blaine’s number and then stared at the blank message for longer than was probably normal. Finally, he typed out a quick message and hit send before he could change his mind.

_Coffee tomorrow?_

When the reply came a minute later, Kurt let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. _When?_

_The usual?_

Kurt supposed it was a risk to bring up their old after school coffee habits, but they’d become friends over a cup of coffee and had gone to the Lima Bean together for months before they’d started going out. There was no point in pretending that history didn’t exist.

His shoulders sagged in relief when Blaine answered a moment later.

_See you then._

 

\-----

Kurt waved at Blaine when he walked into the Lima Bean the next afternoon. He was a few minutes early, but Kurt had been there for nearly an hour; he’d been going stir crazy waiting and all his favorite coping mechanisms just hadn’t sounded appealing.

Blaine squared his shoulders—and Kurt suddenly envisioned Blaine donning armor to head into battle and frowned; he didn’t want this meeting to be like that—and headed for the table Kurt had snared in the back corner of the coffee shop. He pulled off his jacket and slid into the seat across from Kurt as Kurt slid a coffee toward him.

Blaine looked surprised. “You didn’t have to—”

“I wanted to,” Kurt interrupted. “It’s part of my apology.”

Blaine’s eyes widened at that. “Apology? For what?”

“For the other day. I wasn’t being fair to you. Or Sebastian, as much as it pains me to say,” Kurt replied. Sebastian turning over a new leaf was going to take some getting used to, but he would try.

“Kurt, I should be the one to—”

But Kurt shook his head. “No. I picked a fight with you without knowing what was going on. And I’m sorry.”

“What… what do you mean?” Blaine asked carefully, his expression shutting down a bit as he took a sip of his coffee.

Kurt shrugged uncomfortably. “Sebastian told me what was going on.”

Blaine tilted his head slightly. “What exactly did he tell you?”

Kurt glanced around for prying ears; when he was satisfied no one was paying attention to them, he leaned forward slightly. “He told me about therapy.”

Blaine sucked in a hard breath. “Oh.”

“He also said you’d been wanting to tell me about it for a while.”

Blaine but his lip but nodded tightly. “Yeah. I thought you deserved to know, after everything.”

Kurt swallowed, but at some point in the past few days, he realized the pain at the memory of that night in New York those months before that had once been sharp had faded to a dull ache. “I’m really proud of you, Blaine.”

Blaine blinked, looking startled. “What? Why?”

Kurt bit his lip for a moment as he decided how best to phrase this. He knew what he meant but didn’t want it to come across the wrong way. “It’s really brave to ask for help when you’re out of your depth.”

“I… Thank you, Kurt,” Blaine said finally. His eyes were bright when he locked gazes with Kurt. “That means a lot to me.”

“Has it been helping?” Kurt asked softly.

Blaine nodded after a thoughtful moment. “Yeah, I think so. I’m, uh, on anti-depressants and they seem to be helping. It’s easier to get through the day than it used to be.” He smiled ruefully. “It might sound stupid, but the sessions just feel _safe_. I can talk and it feels like someone is actually listening. And I don’t have to worry about how other people are going to see me if I admit I feel a certain way. It took me a long time to figure that out, but I feel… lighter, I guess.

“I’ve had a lot of stuff to work through. More than I realized even after I started going. About my family and coming out and Sadie Hawkins…” He shook his head thoughtfully. “It’s been helping me realize how much I internalize.”

“I don’t think that’s stupid at all,” Kurt said with an adamant shake of his head. “I’m really glad it’s helping, Blaine.”

And he really was, though he couldn’t help that small part in the back of his mind that bristled at the idea that he hadn’t listened to Blaine; that his attention hadn’t been enough. But that wasn’t the point, and the dominant, logical part of Kurt knew that. Maybe one day he could be that safe place for Blaine again—a thought, he realized, that meant that maybe he had forgiven Blaine a while ago after all. But for now, with the distance, both literal and figurative, between them, he would just be happy Blaine had found comfort in a healthy way.

“I wish you could’ve told me so I didn’t make a total ass of myself the other day, but…” he added with a cheeky smile.

“Kurt,” Blaine replied, slightly exasperated, “I couldn’t just bring that up on the spot. It wouldn’t have been fair to Sebastian.”

“I know; I get it. Really.” Kurt assured him. He took a sip of his coffee and debated his next words carefully. “He seems… better.”

“He is,” Blaine agreed. The tension that had been in Blaine’s shoulders since entering the Lima Bean had finally seemed to melt off as he continued speaking. “He’s been dealing with a lot of pressure from his father to be the perfect son since he wants to run for office. The perfect _straight_ son,” he amended.

Kurt nodded. His own father hadn’t shied away from the fact he had on openly gay son in his Congressional campaign, but not every father could be Burt Hummel he was coming to understand.

“He’s not captain of the Warblers this year, either. I think that helped take some of the stress off,” Blaine added.

Kurt decided not to point out that the Warblers hadn’t had a captain until Sebastian; Blaine might have been the lead soloist during his time, but the Council had determined song selection. Blaine had rejected the idea of a title like that outright. But that wasn’t the reason they were here tonight.

“If you two wanted to, you know…” Kurt said, waving his arm in what he hoped conveyed _date_ , “I wouldn’t blame you. You guys have a lot in common.” Like aloof fathers who wanted straight sons, experience leading glee clubs, a penchant for blazers with red piping, charisma that people naturally gravitated toward…

Blaine’s eyes widened. “Kurt, what? No. We’re just friends.”

“You don’t have to be,” Kurt replied, though it went against every fiber of his being to say it. He and Blaine weren’t together, and Sebastian really did seem to care about Blaine. And it wasn’t like Kurt hadn’t dated since they’d broken up; nothing had worked out, but he’d at least tried.

Blaine leaned forward and took Kurt’s hand across the table. Kurt’s breath caught at the feel of electricity at the touch but forced himself to meet Blaine’s eyes. His expression was painfully earnest. “Kurt, Sebastian is just a friend. I don’t care about him in that way. I don’t _want_ to be anything more.”

“Blaine—”

Blaine shook his head. “Let me say this, please.” Kurt swallowed and nodded silently. Blaine gave him a wan smile in thanks before continuing. “My therapist is helping me be more assertive with what I need. So here it goes. Kurt, I still love you. I will always love you. And I know I don’t have any right to say that to you after what I’ve done, but I just want you to know. And I want to be a part of your life again. Even if all you can offer is friendship, I’ll gladly take it. I miss _you_.”

Something fluttered in Kurt’s chest at the words and the breath caught in his throat. And as he stared at Blaine, he realized that it was hope—the hope that maybe they could be something together again. Not now because their lives were still too complicated, but sometime soon. Like Blaine, Kurt had done some soul searching since they’d broken up, but it hadn’t hit him until that very moment that there was nowhere he’d rather be than in this seat right now. This was where he _belonged_ , sitting across from this beautiful, broken boy who was always trying to be better.

And Kurt knew in that moment without a shadow of a doubt that he still loved Blaine as well. He always would. There had been a Blaine-shaped hole in his life for the past six months and only now that they were speaking was he started to feel complete again.

“I still love you, too,” Kurt said finally, squeezing Blaine’s hand in return.  

Blaine’s smile was wide and genuine and it made Kurt’s stomach twist like it had when they’d first met.

“I think we need to take it slow,” Kurt added before Blaine could speak. “I’m still in New York and you still have two months of school left. And then there’s college…”

“I applied to schools in New York.” Kurt blinked and Blaine shrugged. “I applied to schools all over—Cooper really wants me to come to California—but there are schools in New York on my list.”

Kurt could feel his mouth pulling into a smile, but he tamped down on it. “Blaine, I want you to make your decision for you. Not me, not Cooper, not your parents. Just you. And if that happens to be New York, I’ll be thrilled. But if it’s in California or wherever, I’ll still be happy for you and want you in my life.”

“But another four years of long-distance probably isn’t going to work out,” Blaine finished.

Kurt nodded sadly. “It’s really not fair to either of us.”

Blaine bit his lip but nodded in turn.

“But for now,” Kurt said slowly, “if we could try the whole friendship thing again and see where life goes from there?”

He’d really missed his best friend, he realized. There were so many things in New York he’d pulled his phone to text Blaine about before remembering that they were broken up. He missed the easy, honest conversation between them. He missed having another person to order coffee for at his favorite coffee spot a couple of blocks from his apartment. He missed _Blaine_. And if that was all they could be, like Blaine, Kurt would take it.

Blaine’s smile returned; it was still broad, if a bit hesitant. “I’d like that.”

Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand again. “Me too.”

_fin_  


End file.
